It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
