Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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