yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
