oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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