The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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