What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
