i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize