I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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