Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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