I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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