Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ambien. No doubt about it.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
