i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
