Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
