Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
