What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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