so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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