I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i dont even know how to be here
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
