GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
