Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
