What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
