sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
