Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize