You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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