Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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