He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
