ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
