I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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