3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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