the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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