I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
