How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
that is very illegal...i love you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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