So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My liver just broke up with me...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
