i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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