We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
