Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
