Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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