I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
