i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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