I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
