So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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