margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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