When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize