The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
