People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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