we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
