peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
