Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
