I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
