i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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