well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
