i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize