oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize