Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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