The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
