Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize