he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
