Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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