so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I AM VODKA MAN
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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