everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
