I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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