Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
