I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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