gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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