Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
