nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
