it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
