You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
