I should be sponsored by Trojan
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize