i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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