Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize