i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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