Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
