I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
