just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Randomize